I just don't know

Sometimes I think I need a sabbatical. I still love the Trad, but I don't love my coven mates. Most of them really get on my nerves, and every time we circle, I end up in tears at some point. They are NOT my friends. If I needed them, they would NOT be there. I am tired of listening to them all talk about themselves and their wonderful lives nonstop, while I sit next to them, saying nothing and dying inside. The hole I am in is getting deeper and deeper, and I am so alone. No one cares about me--not even my best friend of more than 30 years. It's all a big fucking lie.